Discovering birthing magic Part 1

When I first wanted to become a witch I was a small girl, I was living with my parents on our goat farm and I had a cauldron. A large black heavy cauldron and it was my most cherished play thing.

I spent hours with it, throwing in carrots and herbs from our large gardens and, sometimes a small cat or two got a dunking in my hopes that magic would happen if I just added the right ingredient.

When I first knew that I was to become a witch, I was deep in the study of herbalism, I was 18 and living alone away from my parents home. I learned then that most often magic is simple, and learned that it was in the simple things such as mixing certain herbs and then making them into tea to soothe menstrual pains.

But if I stopped there then I would be lying, if I did not share that deep inside me there was a longing, a wanting magic to be something more, like in the fairy tales and magical books I favored, then this story would not be a true one.

As I got older, I found that I could summon up a kind of inner magic inside me, I found this magic often in the waking moments between dreaming and waking up. My dreams had always held magic for me, but the spell was always broken when any sound in the real world happened and woke me out of my reverie.

I also found that my intuition seemed to be more heightened then others around me, and that people would tell me their life stories within hours of meeting them. My school teachers suggested that I become a councilor and I followed this path for quite a while, but then stopped, but that is another story….

By the time I was in my 20′s I had been studying herbs for many years and had discovered that many woman herbalists often became midwives, their job fascinated me, and as my friends began having children, and I was drawn to it as a moth is drawn to fire.

And then one day my dearest sister friend, a woman I loved deeply came to me with news that she was pregnant and asking me if I would be her birth partner, if I would hold her hand and wipe her brow and help her to not be scared?

Hugging her close I nodded and celebrated the new life within her, never knowing how this would change my life.

Together we read all sorts of books, she reading all about the stages of pregnancy and birth, and I about what herbs I would need to bring, and how to support a woman through birthing. Even though the father was present and a big part of her life and this birth, he was a musician and often away, and so he trusted me to fill in for him whenever possible, and this is how I came to be present at midwifery appointments.

Her midwives were older and had given birth to at least five children, they were wise women, and I adored them all.

By the time she was ready to give birth I was as excited and scared as she was, little did I know how that her birthing day would show me the magic, that up until now I had only felt in my bones and seen in dreams, little did I know that this was yet another initiation, that would change me forever.

Finally the call came deep in the night, I was dead asleep in a new lovers arms{ that same man is now my husband} and he had to rouse me to take the phone, it was her telling me that she had pains, but not to come just yet, it was probably false labour, probably just gas pains.

I hung up excited, but disappointed she did not want me yet, and knowing in a way I can not explain that she did not just have gas pains.

Then less then an hour later it was her man calling me to say get there NOW!

And so I ran, deep in the night with my sack of herbs and tinctures all the way to her house, I was excited and expecting a scene like in the movies I had seen, of a woman screaming and needing my to wipe her brow, to make tea and boil water.

Once I got there though, I heard quiet sounds coming from her room upstairs, sounds of talking and laughter. Confused I entered the room and locked eyes with my friend who now looked more like a lioness, powerful and strange, but she smiled at me and told me to come in.

When I finally looked around the room for the first time I saw that the midwives were calm, and used to being at births spoke quietly and in reassuring tones, and that they made small jokes with her man to ease his worry and welcomed me in as a part of the birthing party.

There were candles lit and the room had a wonderful calming glow to it, it was easy to sense something special was happening and then, a contraction hit.

Now unless you have been to a birth it is hard to describe the sounds that women make deep in the throes of labour, the deep primal sounds that tear through their bodies ripping up from their wombs and  howling through our mouths.

She was farther along in the birthing process then anyone expected for her first birth, and within 2 hours she was pushing. She was on the bed and on all fours, her blonde hair around her like  the mane of a lion and the sounds that were coming from her were like nothing I had ever heard in my life. Fierce animal sounds.

Deep, primal, powerful sounds that had me wondering if this was normal, and then she started growling and grunting and moving around in a way I could not understand.

Just then the midwives shot each other a knowing look, a glance so casual no husband in the room would notice, but I caught it and wondered of they knew something, if I was right her pain was not normal, if something was wrong.

Within moments though, I realized that everything was fine, that the glance they shared was a simple knowing that comes from years of working with birthing women, a knowing that when the woman’s sounds change from deep moaning to grunts and growls, she is pushing, the baby is near!!

The birthing stool was then pulled out and she was helped to sit on it, now was the time for water to be boiled and warm cloths are brought out to soothe the perineum.

I boiled water and brought the cloths to the midwives and then aided with the duty of taking photos of the final moment. I was able to hide behind the camera and watch the birth happening, and it was here that the intensity of the magic in the room began to fly together, to culminate in a powerful all encompassing moment, the birth of a new soul.

The moment a child is born the energy in the room changes, tears flow, emotions are high, and the smell is deep strong and powerful, for it is literally of blood, sweat and tears.

To witness a woman give birth for the first was one of the most powerful things I had ever experienced in my life, no cat or goat giving birth had such an impact on me as seeing a woman that I loved deeply give birth to her child.

After the birth everything was hazy and felt surreal, dawn had come and I found myself alone in the kitchen brewing herbs for the afterbirth with one of the midwives. As we chatted away she asked me if I had any plans on becoming a midwife myself, flustered and deeply honored that she would even ask, I muttered something about perhaps yes I might and fled the room confused.

Walking home that morning, the crisp air helped me to put one foot in front of the other, and in complete exhaustion I felt as though I was floating.

Once home I threw myself into bed and allowed my body to sink deep into the bed aching, feeling as though I had been dancing all night, swept away by the fairies and then magically brought home again.

But the aching did not ease as I rested, in fact it began to pound deep in my womb and I began to wonder if I had picked up some of the energy from her birth and brought it home with me.

After an hour or so I got up to use the bathroom and realized that my moon blood had come, in the middle of the month, mid cycle, and with no warning!

Grinning like a fool I got back into bed, relishing the deep ache and cramps in my uterus, and wondering  if this is what it must have felt like to give birth, just a little, and trying to comprehend the subtle workings of simple magic, of the powerful workings of a woman’s body, of hormones and our deep connection to each other as woman and to the moon.

And so it was that I fell asleep with these thoughts dancing through my head, and wondering if my fate was to become a midwife, or herbwife or…….